


Finding Sam

by sklove



Category: General Hospital (TV 1963)
Genre: Character Study, Davis girls, Found Family, Gen, POV Female Character, Sam in all her Samness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sklove/pseuds/sklove
Summary: Things never worked out the way she expected them to, but navigating a new normal, Sam finds herself on a journey of self-discovery.Who is the real Sam McCall?That's exactly what she has to find out.{A story dedicated to my all-time favorite soap character, Sam.}
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Finding Sam

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the Sam fans out there enjoy this. Please comment and tell me what you hope will happen next. Also, hit that kudos button please, and thank you!

**Chapter 1: Sleep**

_ Knock, knock. _

Announcing her presence with a soft rap of her curled knuckles on the doorframe, Sam pokes her head into the hospital room. Sitting in a hard-backed yellow chair at her son’s bedside, Olivia lifts her head to look at Sam. Skin pale, expression drawn, lines of fatigue creasing her attractive face, she struggles to offer Sam a simple smile. One that doesn’t reach her smoky eyes.

She beckons to Sam. “Come in, honey.” Looking shaky, she watches Sam watching Dante, notes the way the younger woman rocks back and forth on those impossibly high heels of hers. “He’s going to be okay. That’s what Dr. Robinson says, anyway.”

Sam’s eyes trace the curve of Dante’s bearded cheek. Sallow in color, but otherwise looking like his regular self, he appears to be taking a Sunday afternoon snooze. He doesn’t look like a man who’s just been stabbed in the chest with a needle administered by her crazed, drunken mother.  _ My mother.  _ Jesus. Alexis has fallen so far, and so fast. Of course, Sam feels enormously guilty for it too. If only she had tried harder to be what Alexis needed, what she deserved, maybe they all wouldn’t be stuck where they are.

Sam turned her mother into the police. She’s already decided that it was unforgivable, no matter the rationale. She feels she’s abandoned her flesh and blood. Her head swims; her guts churn.

“I am glad to hear that,” Sam says softly. Louder, “Really glad.”

“I am glad to be able to say it.”

Shifting her attention back to Olivia, Sam splays her hands. “Can I get you a cup of coffee, or something to eat, or-”

Olivia holds up a trembling hand. “No, thank you. I appreciate the offer, I do, but I couldn’t digest a single thing right now. My stomach’s all topsy-turvy, you know.”

Sam nods.  _ She does know.  _ When she thought Danny was hurt in that damn explosion, she felt much the same way; as if her whole body had revolted against her, protesting the possibility of losing the biggest and best part of her. She still remembers throwing up in the alleyway behind what remained of The Floating Rib when no one was looking; remembers how her shoulders heaved, tears poured from her eyes, and her body craved the welcoming embrace of complete darkness.

Sam tries to squelch her dark thoughts by putting a dash of pep in her voice. “Well, you still need to take care of yourself, Olivia. Maybe I could sit here with Dante for a while so you can head home and get some rest.”

Olivia shakes her head. “What home? I don’t got a home no more.” She slaps her cheek lightly. “No, no that sounds wrong. Not to mention, ungrateful. Stop it, Liv, get a damn grip,” she chastises herself. She gazes at Sam, eyes full of tears. “I sound like a real nutbar, huh?”

“You’ve been through a lot. I figure if anyone is entitled to be a little nutty, it’s you.”

  
A tear escapes Olivia’s left eye. “Thanks for not thinking the worst of me.”

“How could I ever?” Sam asks, genuine confusion in her voice. “You’re in the place you are because I didn’t -”

  
“Didn’t control your mother?”

“Yes. If I had just done everything differently-”

“Sam, your mother is what - pushing sixty?”

“Give or take a couple of years.”   
  
“The point is, Alexis is old enough to know better than to get wasted and run my kid through with the point of a needle, or get tanked and sleep with my husband. You didn’t put those drinks in her hand. You didn’t force her to pour them down her throat. She made those choices, and you know, I know she’s been suffering for a long time. I know it, but right now it’s hard feeling pity for her. Maybe I’ll get there. Maybe I won’t, but the one thing I will not do is blame you for the things Alexis has done. I don’t want you to blame yourself either.”

Sam crosses her arms over her chest, looks at the floor. “Easier said than done. I haven’t been the best daughter.”

  
“I doubt that. I don’t know you well, that’s true, but I’ve seen how you act around Alexis. I don’t know the things you’ve done, but I do know no one will ever love or fight for Alexis the way you do. She’s a lucky woman.” Olivia nods to the chair on the other side of Dante’s bed. “Anyway, take a load off, sweetheart.”

“Are you sure you want me to?”

  
“Yes. I’d welcome the company. Everyone else’s gone home and I was getting pretty sick of sitting here, running through every scary scenario and ‘what if’ my mind could conjure up.”

“Been there,” Sam admits with a wry chuckle. She skirts around the bed and drops down beside Dante. Her eyes return to his face. Long lashes dust olive cheeks as he lies motionless; eerily still. The rhythmic beep-beep of the heart monitor is the only sound in the room for the longest time. The silence is powerful, poignant. Words are superfluous; meaningless.

Sam wonders when Dante will wake up, and if he’ll have his full faculties when he does. She hopes he will be alright. Not just for Olivia’s sake, but Rocco’s, and for all the people who loved him. For Lulu, too, who is in a coma miles away, and in a dreamless sleep of her own, hopefully, unaware of how time is rushing by without her.

Sam averts her eyes when the sad thoughts get to be too much. She thinks she’s had enough sadness to last a lifetime. When did things just stop being so difficult? When did everyone get a reprieve? Olivia and Dante were good people. When did they catch a break?

“Sam,” Olivia’s voice meets her ears, drawing her attention back to the attractive Italian woman.

“Yes?”

“You look about as exhausted as I feel. If you want to head home to your kids-”

Sam did want to go, honestly. She wanted to be with her children so badly. She wanted to scoop them into her slender arms, wrap them up so tightly, block out the world for the next eighteen years at least, and protect them from everything that could ever hurt them. They deserved the kind of safety, the insolation, she had never enjoyed as a child.

“Olivia, you shouldn’t be alone.”

“Your children need you far more than I do.”

“They’re staying with their aunt Krissy. They’re alright.”

“They probably are, but I see that look in your eyes. It’s the mother look, as I call it. You wish you could be there with them, holding them and hugging them and thanking the stars above that they’re safe. And you need sleep. You do.”

“Okay, if I get some, will you try? That chair reclines. I can get you a blanket and maybe a pillow, and -”

  
“You’re good at taking care of people, Sam,” Olivia says. “But who takes care of you?”

Sam’s eyes burn a little. “I - I do.”

“That’s all well and good, but sometimes it’s nice to have someone wrap you up and tell you everything will be alright, even if it’s a bunch of horse hockey. It’s what I have with Ned… had.” Her eyes are glassy. “Anyway, just don’t be afraid to let people in, okay?”

“I’ll try if you will,” Sam says. “Ned-”

  
“Please don’t. Don’t say he’s a good man and he’s sorry for the mistakes he’s made, because I already know those things. I’m just not ready to forgive or to forget. That’ll take some time. For now, I just need my son to wake up.”

Olivia grasps Dante’s hand and stares at him with an expression full of sadness and wonder all at the same time. “For the longest time, it was just the two of us, you know. The Falconeris against the world. I took care of him, and he took care of me, and we got along as best as we could. It only really got complicated the day he came and told me, ‘Ma, don’t get mad, but I wanna be a cop, okay? I enrolled in the police academy.’' She dabs at her wet eyes. “I was so scared because I know my son. Dante is a good man, a helper by nature. Couldn’t stand to see anyone hurting. I remember how he used to bring home baby birds that fell out of nests, nursed them back to health, all on his own. He’s a protector. He’s a good man who will do anything for anyone. He’s just a little too good, you know. Why does he always have to be the one who takes the hits?”

Sam shakes her head. “You answered the question. He’s a good person, probably too good. Danny’s kind of the same way. I worry about him and Scout all the time.”

“Sam, I am sorry for venting to you the way I have been.”

  
“You are entitled to a little venting, trust me.”

  
“I’m glad, you know. Glad Dante cares so much, even as much as I hate it because it gets him into all sorts of trouble.”   
  
“I’m sorry my mom-”

  
“No more apologizin’ alright?” Olivia’s accent is so much more pronounced when she’s hyper-emotional. “This isn't on you. I mean that.”

Sam wishes she believed that, but she doesn’t. Still, she won't argue the point. Olivia didn't need that. She needed peace. She needed life, or fate, or whoever was to blame, to stop kicking her and her son around.

Olivia dashes at her tears. “You go home, alright? Hold your kiddos for a while, and then get some well-deserved rest.”

  
“Are you sure?”   
  
“I’m sure.”

  
“Okay, but will you do me a favor? Will you call me if anything changes or if Dante wakes up? I’d like to know he’s alright.”

“Sure, Sam. Sure, I will.” Olivia offers her a weak smile. “Go on home.”

“Alright. Good night, Olivia.”

“Good night, Sam.”

Xoxoxo

Sam slips behind the wheel of her trusty Escalade and fires up the engine. Yanking on her seatbelt, she pulls into the empty street, heading towards Harborview Towers. She flips on the radio and rolls down the window despite the chill winter air. She drives along carefully. The roads are slick with fresh rain and she wants to get home to her kids in one piece. Her arms physically ache to hold them again.

When she reaches the penthouse, she quickly unlocks the door and lets herself inside. Kristina is curled up on the sofa under a thick green afghan blanket. She had fallen asleep watching the television. A handsome man on horseback gallops through the trees on the screen. Sam smiles in spite of herself. She’d never been one of those girls who grew up dreaming of white knights on royal steeds who would come rescue her from her shitty life. Truthfully, she couldn’t remember dreaming at all as a child. Living as she had, dreams cost too much. They came with big price tags. She’d learned early on not to bother. She grew up understanding that if you had hope; if you had love, it could so easily be snatched away, or worse, used as a weapon against you.

_ “Sam?” _ Kristina murmurs as Sam picks up the remote, shutting off the television. Kristina starts to sit up but Sam shakes her head.

“Sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep, Krissy.”

Kristina rubs her eyes. “Is everything alright?”

Sam could lie to her, say everything’s fine, peachy even, but she’s never been one to sugarcoat the truth, and the truth is their mother is cooling her heels in the clink right now and Kristina’s half-brother is in the ICU because of Alexis.

Still, Sam knows there is nothing Kristina can do at this time of night, so she just offers her a little smile. 

“We’ll talk in the morning. Just get some rest. Thanks for watching the kids.”

“Yeah, of course. Sam?” Kristina says. Sam thinks she’s about to ask for more information, but her eyelids are already drooping. “Wake me up when you get up?”

  
“Sure, Krissy, of course.” Sam moves to tug the blanket over Kristina and in seconds, Kristina is asleep again. Sam can’t blame her. It’s nearly three in the morning.

Sam is tired too. Exhausted in ways she never thought possible. It takes all her strength to climb the stairs, but she does. She tiptoes into the converted nursery and finds her daughter in the darkness. Scout is snoring softly, her tiny body curled around her favorite teddy bear, Mr. Gray. Sam drops to her knees on the floor at Scout’s bedside and gingerly smooths a soft lock of hair off her forehead.

“I love you, Emily Scout Cain,” Sam whispers in the darkness. “I will love you as long as I live and then some. I promise I will always look out for you.” She kisses her daughter’s cheek, whisper-soft, and sits there for a while listening to her even breaths. Then she pats Scout gently on the back, tucks the covers up around her chin, whispers “sleep tight, baby girl,” and slips out of the room.

She quietly opens the door to Danny’s room and peeks inside. Danny is already a light sleeper, and much more so since Jason packed his things and left. Sam had tried to explain why she decided to end things with his dad, but he didn’t quite understand the ramifications yet. He just wished his father would return and fulfill all the promises he’d made when he’d returned to their lives.

Sam edges into the room, grateful to hear Danny’s loud snores. He’s a noisy sleeper. He takes after Jason that way. She walks over to her boy and gingerly feathers her fingers in his hair. “Hey, big guy,” she whispers. “You’re growing up so fast. Soon we’re going to have to get you a much bigger bed. You’re shooting up like a weed. Everyone says you’ll be taller than me soon. It’s just … Try not to rush it alright. Stay young and innocent for as long as you can. I don’t want the world to ever hurt you again, but I promise, as long as I’m breathing, it won’t. I’ve made a lot of choices that affected your life, many of them not so good, but I promise you, I’m going to be the mother you need from here on out. I love you and your sister so much. You’re my heart and my home. Everything I’ve ever done right in the whole world.”

Sam gently hugs Danny and then tiptoes back out of the room. She slips into her bedroom and instinctively looks for the picture of her and Jason that used to sit on the dresser. It’s not there anymore. She remembers she removed it a few weeks before. It used to be the first thing she saw when she came in here, and now like Jason, it’s gone. She packed it away, just like she is trying to do with her feelings. She still loves Jason with all of her aching heart, but she knows they’ve gone too far to ever go back now. She longs for safety and security for their kids. If it was just her, she would have stayed; she would have endured whatever came her way, but her children’s well-being is not negotiable.

She changes into a soft, baggy gray tee-shirt and pajama bottoms. She is about to climb into bed when her cell phone  _ dings. _ She quickly grabs for it. There is a brief message from Olivia.

_ Sam -- _

_ Sorry to send you a text so late (or is it, early) but Dante is awake! He’s awake hun. And he’s okay. He’s really okay!! _

Sighing with relief, Sam texts back a short message, asking if she can visit with Dante sometime tomorrow. Olivia texts back _ “Of course!!!” _ , along with a couple of smiley face emojis.

Sam rubs her eyes and sets her phone down. She climbs into bed, clutching the pillow that Jason used to call his own.

She falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.


End file.
